Category 100 Things

May 20 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #87

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

87) GETTING A BONER OVER 12 YEAR OLDS

You might be a borderline pedophile piece of shit, if you’re over the age of 25 and are lusting after Emma Watson and Dakota Fanning. Maybe it’s because I’ve never watched any of those moronic and trendy HARRY POTTER movies, nor read the books, because, well, I actually have taste and an IQ above a donkey. If you were a grown man watching those films when Emma Watson was 14 years old and getting a chubby, you really have some soul searching to do. Seriously, what kind of scum bag was watching the crappy WAR OF THE WORLDS remake when Dakota Fanning was 10 years old and thinking “man I can’t wait until she’s 18!”. Seriously, these girls aren’t even that attractive, they are average, yet all these celebrity gossip websites are full of, 30 something year old dudes, talking about how hot Dakota Fanning’s ass is, and how they love to “hit” Emma Watson. Get a fucking life losers, there’s a reason the only pussy you’re getting is fantasy and online. It’s the same reason I can’t see the Olsen twins as sex symbols. I still remember when I wasn’t even a teenager and they were the ugliest baby on TV.

May 3 2010

CONSPIRAPORN’S List of Things that Piss Me Off: #88

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

http://samuelatgilgal.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/eugenics.jpg

88) The Failure of Eugenics

I propose that we reconsider the viability of the various Eugenic sciences, and evaluate how the truly human stock might benefit from the weeding of lesser races. Why, it was not in the intentions of the great philosophers of our illustrious history (See: Plato, Nietzsche) to allow for  inferior seed to overcome the righteous life-force of genetic procreation. We cannot permit for the continued perpetuation of sexual promiscuity to interfere with the blossoming of our pricelessly ripe fruit; lest we be overcome by lowly insects, maggots and flies, that will pluck the nectar from our patient and deserving lips. For the betterment of all races, it must openly be a white world, only allowing the half-breeds to procreate under our allowances, so forth.

May 3 2010

CONSPIRAPORN’S List of Things that Piss Me Off: #89

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

https://i0.wp.com/cache.gawker.com/assets/images/7/2009/06/504x_Masturbating_Bear.flv.jpg

89) Chronic Masturbation

We’ve all been there, we’ve all done it, don’t lie. I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, we all occasionally “pop the weasel”. But how much TLC is too much TLC? You’re supposed to eat 3 meals a day, and defecate regularly; while some people smoke a pack of cigarettes a day or drink a six-pack of beer with relatively little public ostracizing. So why is it that if you masturbate, say, 57 times per week it’s considered a “immoral thing”? Why is it that I’m now “in need of mental evaluation” and have my arms handcuffed behind my back for 22 hours a day? Since when does masturbating 57 times a week, while watching Oprah, alone in the privacy of my own home, require “shock therapy sessions” to be administrated by Nurse Helga every 12 hours? Why is being too lazy for sex, making yourself blind, and loving hairy palms a crime? And if you’re morbidly obese, incredibly ugly, or unbelievably stupid, you should masturbate even more! We don’t want y’all breeding now, do we? Whip it, whip it good!

Apr 24 2010

CONSPIRAPORN’S LIST OF THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF: #90

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

90) Spammers

As I write this, I’ve got this D-Bag spam machine who is polluting my website with endless dick pictures and viagra bullshit. Once a year or so he crawls out of his pedophilic torture chamber of delights and starts posting an abundance of porn-viagra adds at my forum. However, this time, the fucker has gone spam crazy (obviously he’s found a new spamming toy to utilize) and is posting 20, 30, 40+ spam messages a day, all with the same cum-guzzling chicks eating dong, with titles like “Grandpaw’s Lucky Day”, and “Donkey Dick Fantasies Come To Life”. Every other word is mis-spelled, and he’s relentlessly making a huge annoyance of himself. Here is a message to spammers like this everywhere: YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE. No questions asked, simultaneously, every mass-spammer in the world is going to spontaneously combust in a fire of genital putrification and a tormentingly bloody bout of erectile mortification. In other words, the Devil’s Fire is gonna jump out of your tiny little dicks and consume you in a blaze of torture for all eternity. Dante is going to create a special ring of hell just for you to grovel and crawl in. Have fun in the pit, bitch-faces!

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #91

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

http://minista.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/douchebag.jpg

91) People who create lists

You hear that you bitch! I’m talking to you! Why do you feel the need to make a list of things just because it’s the popular and trendy thing to do? You should be ashamed of yourself, you’re clearly not living up to your full potential and are obviously letting down your family and friends. You must be so proud: “Oh, look at me, I created a list to post on the Internet, I’m so cool!” What a fucking loser your are, deserving of the mockery of the gods. I pity you and spit on your memory! The tombstone of the Internet will be a list of 10 reasons why the Internet collapsed and why our monkey-oppressors are now holding the knife to our throats with devilish glee.  I’m also pissed that THIS DUDE already made a list of 100 things that piss him off! I swear, nothing is original these days.