Author Archives: mad247

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #93

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

http://www.conceptart.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=316191&stc=1&d=1204500837

93) Sexy Vampires

If there are gonna be sexy vampires, at least make them hot ladies with big tits. Otherwise, you’re kinda boring me. Back in the day, Dracula was the epitome of undead machismo, then came Blacula and all hell broke lose in the Vampire Universe. I understand that sex plays a big part in the vampire mythos, but in no way is it meant to be interpreted as the PRIMARY MOTIVATION of vampire entertainment. Vampires are meant to be frightening and haunting harbingers of death and disease, not this month’s cover-boy on ‘TEENBOP’ magazine. When your 5 year old little sister just “loooooooves” vampires and has posters hanging on her wall, you know you’ve got a big problem on your hands deserving of full scale intervention. Don’t invite them in to your home, they’ve hypnotized you all! “Oooh, but there’s a deeper message behind sexy male vampire movies”. Really? STFU!

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #94

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

https://i0.wp.com/thecount.com/wp-content/uploads/wk15p1_00030_simoncowell_009.jpg

94) Simon Cowell

What more needs to be said? This dude is the reason all religious texts are pointing towards 2012 as the apocalypse. Typical “scathing British” review, with formulaic GONG SHOW ingenuity; AMERICAN IDOL is the reason suicide was invented and David Carradine accidentally hung himself while masturbating in a closet. Simply put, Simon Cowell sucks donkey dicks while America votes for the least horrible and most attractive moron they can find. If he had an action figure based after him it would come with “Satan Cock Guzzling Action!”. Cowell couldn’t even beat an Alzheimer’s patient in a game of checkers at the park bench. For Christ’s sake, Chef Gordon Ramsey has more talent than this man-boobed twit, at least he can cook and cleans your kitchen. It’s shows like these that makes America the most stupidestest nation on earth. It gets you to expect everything while getting nothing besides broken dreams, smelly VD, and a coke addiction.

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #95

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

95) The “Truth Movement”

The self-described “Truth Movement” can suck it! That includes patriotic savior Ron Paul, retarded radio host Alex Jones, morbidly obese taco-monster Michael Moore, corporate shills like Keith Olbermann, and fake psyops movies like LOOSE CHANGE and ZEITGEIST also fit in to this category. Get it through your fucking head, the “Truth Movement” was nothing more than a controlled opposition ploy by the Powers That Be in order to misdirect attention and herd the mass-populace after the events of 9/11. They used the Internet and talk radio to neuter your balls and make you follow “alternative leaders” who led you into a stinking corral of ineffectiveness and faux-activism. More than 75% of the “Truth Movement” is absolute bullshit, filled with ill informed drunks, paranoid racists, and wig wearing lovers of George Washington – content with holding up a stupid sign at one of those lame ass “Tea Parties”. It’s fucks like you that make me want to burn the flag and constitution before throwing my computer out the window: hypocritical, gun-toting, Christian morons pretending they’re knowledgeable and “chosen”. As soon as Charlie Sheen and Rosie O’Donnell became “great heroes” of the “patriot movement”, you knew you were riding around in a clown car headed towards a cliff.

Apr 9 2010

Nothing Says Springtime Like a Penis Festival

https://i0.wp.com/news.softpedia.com/images/news2/Don-039-t-Miss-the-Japanese-Penis-Festival-3.jpg

Every March 15th, the residents of Komaki, a small town near Nagoya, Japan, host the Hounen Matsuri. Known by foreigners as the Penis Festival, it is one of the many Japanese phenomena that defy Western comprehension. It’s easy to see how the message of the festival could be unintentionally distorted. On the surface, it seems like an excuse for old Japanese guys to fill themselves with cheap beer and chase girls around with bananas.

SEE ALSO: -THE GODS MUST BE HORNY-

Apr 9 2010

Meaning of Addiction

https://i0.wp.com/img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/10_01/TrainCrashPA_468x296.jpg

A SWEDISH rail worker was slammed by his bosses for crippling a train network by looking at porn.

Investigators found that there were so many viruses infecting the rail network’s computers in Gavle, 160km north of Stockholm, that they were incapable of running trains safely.