Category Rant!

Apr 24 2010

CONSPIRAPORN’S LIST OF THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF: #90

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

90) Spammers

As I write this, I’ve got this D-Bag spam machine who is polluting my website with endless dick pictures and viagra bullshit. Once a year or so he crawls out of his pedophilic torture chamber of delights and starts posting an abundance of porn-viagra adds at my forum. However, this time, the fucker has gone spam crazy (obviously he’s found a new spamming toy to utilize) and is posting 20, 30, 40+ spam messages a day, all with the same cum-guzzling chicks eating dong, with titles like “Grandpaw’s Lucky Day”, and “Donkey Dick Fantasies Come To Life”. Every other word is mis-spelled, and he’s relentlessly making a huge annoyance of himself. Here is a message to spammers like this everywhere: YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE. No questions asked, simultaneously, every mass-spammer in the world is going to spontaneously combust in a fire of genital putrification and a tormentingly bloody bout of erectile mortification. In other words, the Devil’s Fire is gonna jump out of your tiny little dicks and consume you in a blaze of torture for all eternity. Dante is going to create a special ring of hell just for you to grovel and crawl in. Have fun in the pit, bitch-faces!

Apr 23 2010

Playboy Porn Breaks Out on Disney Channel

Children watching the Disney Channel in Chile were offered a startling adults-only peek of Playboy programming this week because of a technical error, media reported Thursday.

And the glimpse they caught went a long way beyond Playboy’s bunny logo romping around on a channel normally reserved for Mickey Mouse and friends.

It is not the first time Playboy has turned up uninvited on children-only channels.

Last month, Time Warner Cable in the United States had to apologize after it put out restricted porn on children’s television for two hours in the state of North Carolina.

Apr 13 2010

The Preposterous Reality: 25 Hedge Fund Managers Are Worth 680,000 Teachers

In 2009, the worst economic year for working people since the Great Depression, the top 25 hedge fund managers walked off with an average of $1 billion each. With the money those 25 people “earned,” we could have hired 658,000 entry level teachers. (They make about $38,000 a year, including benefits.) Those educators could have brought along over 13 million young people, assuming a class size of 20. That’s some value.

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #91

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

http://minista.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/douchebag.jpg

91) People who create lists

You hear that you bitch! I’m talking to you! Why do you feel the need to make a list of things just because it’s the popular and trendy thing to do? You should be ashamed of yourself, you’re clearly not living up to your full potential and are obviously letting down your family and friends. You must be so proud: “Oh, look at me, I created a list to post on the Internet, I’m so cool!” What a fucking loser your are, deserving of the mockery of the gods. I pity you and spit on your memory! The tombstone of the Internet will be a list of 10 reasons why the Internet collapsed and why our monkey-oppressors are now holding the knife to our throats with devilish glee.  I’m also pissed that THIS DUDE already made a list of 100 things that piss him off! I swear, nothing is original these days.

Apr 10 2010

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #92

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

https://i0.wp.com/www.websitedesignbasics.com/templates/pickle/pickle5.jpg

92) Phallic Shaped Fruits and Vegetables

I’m on to you pickles! I’ve got your number cucumbers! Don’t even think about it bananas and zucchini! Has this ever happened to you?: You’re just sitting there minding your own businesses, when all of a sudden, BAM! There’s a giant cucumber stuffed up your ass! How the hell did that get there?! Or maybe you’re taking a nice bubble bath and enjoying a book by candle-light when out of nowhere, BAM! There’s a large banana shoved down your throat and two dill pickles firmly inserted in your butt-hole! Enjoying a nice, leisurely stroll through the park on a spring day? Be alert or the next thing you know your sphincter and mouth with be violated by perverted fruits and vegetables that will use your tender flesh as their fertile soil. And don’t even get me started on hot-dogs, they are the devil’s hell hound!!!