Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #93

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

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93) Sexy Vampires

If there are gonna be sexy vampires, at least make them hot ladies with big tits. Otherwise, you’re kinda boring me. Back in the day, Dracula was the epitome of undead machismo, then came Blacula and all hell broke lose in the Vampire Universe. I understand that sex plays a big part in the vampire mythos, but in no way is it meant to be interpreted as the PRIMARY MOTIVATION of vampire entertainment. Vampires are meant to be frightening and haunting harbingers of death and disease, not this month’s cover-boy on ‘TEENBOP’ magazine. When your 5 year old little sister just “loooooooves” vampires and has posters hanging on her wall, you know you’ve got a big problem on your hands deserving of full scale intervention. Don’t invite them in to your home, they’ve hypnotized you all! “Oooh, but there’s a deeper message behind sexy male vampire movies”. Really? STFU!

Conspiraporn’s List of Things that Piss Me Off: #95

Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off

95) The “Truth Movement”

The self-described “Truth Movement” can suck it! That includes patriotic savior Ron Paul, retarded radio host Alex Jones, morbidly obese taco-monster Michael Moore, corporate shills like Keith Olbermann, and fake psyops movies like LOOSE CHANGE and ZEITGEIST also fit in to this category. Get it through your fucking head, the “Truth Movement” was nothing more than a controlled opposition ploy by the Powers That Be in order to misdirect attention and herd the mass-populace after the events of 9/11. They used the Internet and talk radio to neuter your balls and make you follow “alternative leaders” who led you into a stinking corral of ineffectiveness and faux-activism. More than 75% of the “Truth Movement” is absolute bullshit, filled with ill informed drunks, paranoid racists, and wig wearing lovers of George Washington – content with holding up a stupid sign at one of those lame ass “Tea Parties”. It’s fucks like you that make me want to burn the flag and constitution before throwing my computer out the window: hypocritical, gun-toting, Christian morons pretending they’re knowledgeable and “chosen”. As soon as Charlie Sheen and Rosie O’Donnell became “great heroes” of the “patriot movement”, you knew you were riding around in a clown car headed towards a cliff.

Nothing Says Springtime Like a Penis Festival

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Every March 15th, the residents of Komaki, a small town near Nagoya, Japan, host the Hounen Matsuri. Known by foreigners as the Penis Festival, it is one of the many Japanese phenomena that defy Western comprehension. It’s easy to see how the message of the festival could be unintentionally distorted. On the surface, it seems like an excuse for old Japanese guys to fill themselves with cheap beer and chase girls around with bananas.

SEE ALSO: -THE GODS MUST BE HORNY-

‘Kaikidan Ekotoba’ monster scroll

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Here is a look at the Kaikidan Ekotoba, a mysterious handscroll that profiles 33 legendary monsters and human oddities, mostly from the Kyushu region of Japan (with several from overseas). The cartoonish document, whose author is unknown, is believed to date from the mid-19th century. It is now in the possession of the Fukuoka City Museum. Featured above is the “man with oversized testicles”.

SEE THEM ALL VIA: -PINK TENTACLE-

1 in 5 Believe Aliens Exist Among Us

John Jones Manhunter from Mars

Aliens exist and they live in our midst disguised as humans — at least, that’s what 20 percent of people polled in a global survey believe.

(And I bet that 10% of those 20% actually believe that THEY are they aliens in question.)

VIA: -TECHNOCCULT-

SEE ALSO: -INVISIBLE EXTRATERRESTRIALS-