Shape Shifting Lizard Skin Cream

Shapeshifting from lizard to human form is great for controlling Earth so you can mine gold to save your dying homeworld, but it’s not so great for your skin. When you’re juggling appointments and global depopulation deadlines, you don’t have time for an exhaustive skincare regime, especially after you’ve been up all night sodomising infants on a blood-soaked altar.

Micro Sonic Grenade

Want to scare the living crap out of somebody? Well nothing better than a grenade explosion sound at 110 decibles. You can set the “explosion” timer to 5, 30 or 60 seconds then BOOM it happens. Battery powered and ready to scare.

Micro Sonic Grenade for $5