Surely there are 100 things I could list that piss me off
93) Sexy Vampires
If there are gonna be sexy vampires, at least make them hot ladies with big tits. Otherwise, you’re kinda boring me. Back in the day, Dracula was the epitome of undead machismo, then came Blacula and all hell broke lose in the Vampire Universe. I understand that sex plays a big part in the vampire mythos, but in no way is it meant to be interpreted as the PRIMARY MOTIVATION of vampire entertainment. Vampires are meant to be frightening and haunting harbingers of death and disease, not this month’s cover-boy on ‘TEENBOP’ magazine. When your 5 year old little sister just “loooooooves” vampires and has posters hanging on her wall, you know you’ve got a big problem on your hands deserving of full scale intervention. Don’t invite them in to your home, they’ve hypnotized you all! “Oooh, but there’s a deeper message behind sexy male vampire movies”. Really? STFU!
CONSPIRAPORN! 
And not just sexy vampires, but sexy YOUNG vampires with perfect abs who are perpetually brooding and in high-school. It’s like the Muppet Babies. They weren’t the Muppets, they were muppet babies for a generation of infants. That’s how I see this “reinvention” of the vampire mythos. It’s meant for prepubescent girls, chubby chicks who can’t get laid, goth-emotards who think they are spell casting witches, or gay dudes… I just ain’t buying it… But obviously, millions of teenagers are….
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Get with the times padre, sexy young vampires are the Mr. Potato Head of this decade.
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